I've had the most roller coaster of rides since June of this year, experiencing both greater joy and greater grief than I've ever had the opportunity to feel flow through my arteries in previous years of my existence. I've been completely in love and connected, and completely alone and isolated. I have been happy, and I have been frustrated sad and kicking garbage down my alley in a rage. I have experienced joy, fear and emptiness all in the span of hours. In one way this is miraculous – it means I feel more than I ever have, I am more aware, more conscious, more connected – I am also more sensitive, more frustrated, and more responsible for the emotions that I have previously squashed down and pretended didn't motivate me.
I've lost two dear friends, one mentor (who never knew me), and watched a number of old and new friends take vows to love and cherish each other. Since June I've traveled to seven states and Canada and I have learned what and who is important to me and that love and connection are really all we have in this physical existence.
We have our blood family and our chosen family, be it friends or spiritual community but at the end of the day the force that can truly connect us is love. The more I express love and gratitude for all my brothers, sisters, parents, teachers and communities the more returns back to me. I have so much gratitude I was able to show that love for my chosen sister Eden by attending her wedding in Northern California in October of this year – which resulted in the reunion of my first Seattle brother and sisterhood – the Wedgwood co-op, a place of great growth and togetherness for me at the right time in my life – and ultimately brought me to the path I walk today.
Even when those communities are new, we can still become part of them if we choose love and connection – like my trip to Murfeesburough, Tennessee in the beginning of November with my longtime friend Tyler. He needed to go to visit his chosen brother for the marriage of that brother's daughter. I came along to ensure he was not the creepy solo uncle from the crazy liberal stronghold of Seattle. We were Minnesotan ambassadors of the Pacific Northwest in the Midwestern South and it was beautiful.
When we left I had created connections with sisters and brothers with experiences, although different from mine, were completely possible to come together through love, compassion and humanity. Politics and religion aside – we united in spirit and celebration of this human existence. Blessed be.
Here I am in frozen Toronto a little over a week later reclaiming my crown and royal lineage as a divine being just before my initiation as a second step Ritual Master in the lineage of King Salomon. I learned on this day that wearing a crown out into public actually takes a lot of courage – people look at you. I am uncomfortable being the center of attention. I've always preferred being background support. Wearing a crown on your head you have to hold your head up, smile kindly, send love, and be a leader – because choosing to wear the crown of royalty makes you one to others, even if they do not know you. By choosing to wear a crown on that day I also chose the responsibility of the mantle I am picking up as a lightworker. I chose to be here at this time in history to bring the light, to help trigger others to remember that they too have the power to love and heal. It is one of the only things I know for certain anymore.
Here I am with some of my chosen sisters in my international family after achieving our certifications as Healer after and intense week of learning and personal healing. Some of the best life skills I have ever learned – because so much of my soul, heart, and light were returned to me that I didn't even know I had lost.
And when I returned from all my travels to California, Tennessee, Toronto (Wisconsin, Minnesota, Michigan, Arkansas, Oregon) all of this love and community and celebration gave me the strength to say goodbye to one of the most beautiful beings in my life – my dearest friend Fred who died of cancer on August 31. We celebrated his life at a huge 60th birthday party for him on November 24th, two days after Thanksgiving.
I learned of the news of his death just hours before I attended this beautiful woman's wedding in West Seattle on August 31. I had just enough time to send word to his Burning Man community at Buddhacamp in Black Rock City so they could celebrate his life in the Temple out there.
Fred and his husband Greg live(ed) just up the hill from where this wedding took place and have been role models to me for how to create an inclusive family in spite of what the world says is normal. What is normal is to love and connect and to care – that is what I learned from Fred. No matter what, love your family. Family being the most inclusive word possible. So as I watched Diana walk down the aisle in her fairy tale wedding, I held the hand of one of the loves of my life, and mourned the loss of a Fred, of Kevin, of Anthony, of others still alive but no longer in my life – and I celebrated the fact that I am alive and capable of so much love and sadness. To feel is to be alive, to be conscious is to care, to love is to be a force of the light and the light needs all of its warriors to be strong in this trail battered world.